I like book shops. I particularly like independent book shops, who compensate for the absence of three-for-two offers by providing expert knowledge, little-known titles and interesting book signings. We have one such shop close to my house and I like to skulk around inside at weekends, imagining my own book on display. I had my […]
Showing off my assets
A fortunate side effect of some medication I’m taking is the acquisition of enormously enhanced breasts. Well, when I say enormously enhanced, I’m doing so in the context of one whose spaniel ear bosoms lost any zest for life when they finished producing milk for four children in eighteen months. I’ve never had good breasts, […]
The End
Do you remember that book I was writing? It feels rather as though I’ve been writing it forever, although in fact it’s been only a few months. I’m not sure how long I spent messing around with the first three chapters, but once I had a deadline – an agent who wanted to read the […]
Do you have an ugly baby?
I was at work the other day when a colleague showed me a photo of what was quite possibly the ugliest newborn baby I’d ever seen. “Isn’t she beautiful?” I gave a non committal murmur and let others in the office do the cooing and aahing. Now, obviously I wouldn’t expect anyone to shatter our […]
I smell dead people
My husband has spent much of the last week wrinkling his nose in distaste every time he comes into the kitchen. “Why does it smell of dead people in here?” “It’s probably the bins. I’ll take them out.” It’s not the bins. My husband has a sense of smell akin to that of a blood […]
Sorry, I'm too posh to talk dirty
Last week I had a heavy breather on the phone. I think I was a bit of a disappointment. You see, I can’t do dirty talk. I once had a boyfriend who liked me to chat while we were having sex. He wasn’t interested in the Boden sale or what I’d do if I won […]