After my last post I had an e-mail from Concerned of Crawley; “Dear Emily, please don’t have an affair”. Oh my goodness, I have one titillating encounter in the supermarket and you’ve got me romping around the tinned peaches in an extra-marital liaison. Even if I felt lacking in that department at home (and remember, […]
Relationships
My children use bodily fluid as a weapon
In my quest to write something funny I sought out my husband’s views; “I could shag you in the kitchen again – that seemed to go down well”, he said hopefully. Ignoring his crestfallen face I dismissed his suggestion out of hand; “That’s old hat. It has to be something new, something off the wall. […]
Funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?
fun·ny (fn)adj. fun·ni·er, fun·ni·est1.a. Causing laughter or amusement.b. Intended or designed to amuse.2. Strangely or suspiciously odd; curious.Thousands of bloggers nominated their favourite on-line writers in the recently launched Mummy And Daddy (MAD) blogging awards, celebrating the brilliance of British parent bloggers. I voted. And not for myself, either, however a few of you must […]
Sunday Morning Slut
It’s Sunday morning and the children are playing happily together. I seize the moment and disappear upstairs with my husband… There is a knock at the door and I grab my dressing gown. “Leave it”, my husband says. “They’ll think we’re out”. The knocking continues and I hear my three year old shouting through the […]
Just clothes
Today I am helping my mother clear out my father’s clothes. She didn’t ask me, not in so many words, but she needed me to be there. I’m the least sentimental out of her daughters; the most pragmatic. They’re just clothes, after all. She begins to falter after just the first shirt, and I send […]
Sex o'clock
My husband and I have identified the ideal time to have sex. It’s taken a few years but we’ve finally reached a compromise. I like it in the morning, he likes it in the evening. He’s grumpy and tired in the morning, I’m shattered by bedtime. So we’ve settled on around 6.30pm, when the girls […]