It was our wedding anniversary last week, and my husband suggested we have sex. “Why?” I said. “Well, you know. Recreate our wedding night” I distinctly recall on the night of our wedding both being so rat-arsed we could scarcely put the key in the lock, let alone a rampant member in the correct orifice, […]
Relationships
Charades on the front lawn
The magnificent lilac at the front of our house was cultivated by former occupants and was much loved by them and their neighbours. As we conveyed endless boxes through the front door on moving day, no fewer than five local residents dropped by with welcome cards and pruning tips. Clearly we had inherited a shrub […]
Family ties
I follow my mother’s car back home from the hospital; his things in a brown paper bag on the passenger seat next to me. I need to be there for her when she first opens the door, and we walk in together, silently acknowledging the absence of a man whose presence defined us all. The […]
Secrets of an 18th Century cupboard
Children are essentially engineers, aren’t they? They just love taking things apart and – just occasionally – putting them back together. Dropping shapes into shape-sorters, posting letters through boxes, under the fridge or down the back of the radiator; nothing gives them greater pleasure than slotting pieces into holes. My toddler is obsessed with keys, […]
Too much information
My phone beeps to tell me I have a text message. It’s from a good friend expecting a baby, “4cm. Epidural in place” Shortly afterwards, another, “7cm. Head engaged!” I feel rather unclean, as though I’ve been privy to something I shouldn’t. I mean, we’re close, but we’re not that close. Not gynaelogically close. Think […]
No post today?
I am 31 years old. I no longer walk extra-slowly past the house of dream-boat sixth formers. I am a confident, mature woman. I don’t need to sit casually by the phone so that if someone calls I can force myself to wait three rings before snatching it up with a faux-nonchalent ” ‘lo?” I […]