Surely it’s time to ditch the Christmas cards? Rising postage costs; the ever-decreasing rain forests; that slipped disk Postie got last year… despite all the reasons not to, we still waste time and money giving a card to people we see every day.
If you simply MUST write them, here are five cards you really shouldn’t send:
1. The Round Robin Letter
Including a newsletter in your card is egotistical, out-dated and intensely irritating. If I like you enough to see you regularly I know all your news anyway, and if I don’t – well, there’s a reason for that. I have no interest in your children’s school grades, your new kitchen or the cruise you have planned for next summer, so if you must share these snippets of your life, start a blog. But don’t bother sending me the link.
2. The Signature-Only Card
Sending me a card which doesn’t even include my name in it, just your own at the bottom, is the height of laziness. If you really can’t be bothered to write my name, please don’t write yours either: then at least I can reuse the card next year.
3. The Family Photo Card
Look, I get it: you’re happy. I’m glad for you. But Christmas cards created from a cheesy photo of your family in matching sweaters will make me choke on my Quality Street, not least because you were organised enough to take them in time to send them to the printers. I spend December in a state of utter chaos, and I don’t need your domestic bliss thrust in my face. Stick it on the mantelpiece, not in an envelope.
4. With Love From The Dog
I love dogs; I have one myself. But she can’t write Christmas cards. It is astonishing how many cards arrive ‘with love from Bill, Janet, Martha, Jack and Binky the puppy!!!’ (excessive punctuation often comes hand-in-hand with this type of card). Am I expected to write back to Binky? Are we to become penpals? Shudder.
5. School Christmas Cards
I love my children, but they’re shit at drawing, and I’d never foist their rubbish attempts at a robin on anyone else. Frankly it’s bad enough putting them on my fridge. Unless the child in question is a relative, Godchild or likely to become extremely famous, I don’t want their school Christmas card.
Merry Christmas.