Dear Usborne Books,
My children are all keen readers of the ‘That’s not my…’ series of books. We have ‘That’s not my pirate’, ‘That’s not my reindeer’, ‘That’s not my bear’, and ‘That’s not my lion’. I recommend them to all my friends with small children, and often buy them as gifts for my children’s friends.
Browsing your website today I couldn’t help but feel that, despite the enormous number of ‘That’s not my…’ books, you have missed a few which would surely be very popular with parents. ‘That’s not my credit card bill (surely)’, for example, or ‘That’s not my child (having a tantrum in the supermarket aisles)’.
With this in mind I have taken the liberty of writing a ‘That’s not my…’ book for your range. I’m sure you will agree that it fits with the style of your existing titles, and is sure to be a best-seller. I look forward to receiving my royalty cheque.
Yours sincerely,
Emily Carlisle
That’s not my Mummy
by Emily Carlisle
That’s not my Mummy, her tummy is too flat.
That’s not my Mummy, her hair is too clean.
That’s not my Mummy, her clothes are too fashionable.
That’s not my Mummy, her fridge contains too much food, all of which is in-date and organic.
That’s not my Mummy, her legs are too smooth and her eye-brows don’t join in the middle.
That’s not my Mummy, her career is actually going somewhere.
That’s not my Mummy, her heels are at least four inches, yet she walks smoothly without tripping.
That’s not my Mummy, her skincare routine is too thorough, and she actually knows what toner is for.
THAT’S my Mummy! Her expression is so harassed and bordering on hysteria. Hmm, on second thoughts, actually I’ll take one of the others.