Yesterday my hair was blow-dryed and styled into sexy flicks. Today it is standing on end as though I’ve spent the entire morning rubbing myself with a polyester cardigan.
Yesterday I wore kitten heels. Today I’m wearing chicken poo. On the sole of my Uggs. Which aren’t even real.
Yesterday I ate home-made falafel from Cath Kidston plates. Today I am scoffing Coco-pops from a plastic mug because all our crockery is dirty.
Yesterday I greeted my husband with a come-hither smile and the smell of fresh-baked bread. Today I screeched at him from the landing as I caught child-vomit in my hands.
Yesterday I baked fairy cakes with the children. Today I am eating them. All.
Yesterday I was a Yummy Mummy, today I am a Scummy Mummy. Tomorrow I may not bother getting up at all…